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That’s it. Don’t believe everything you think. Our default setting is to simultaneously believe and embody the thoughts that we have. But the thoughts that we have are sometimes wrong, unwise, or unhelpful. So we should not automatically buy into them, and we should not automatically use them to guide our behavior. Is it Valid? The Work” of Byron Katie is a process of inquiry that helps you identify and question the thoughts that cause you the most suffering. The gist of The Work is simple: Believing your thoughts often leads to suffering. This means suffering is optional, because your thoughts are not always true. You can choose not to get swept away by your thoughts. With Mental Noting, you gently “note” thoughts or sensations as they arise in your mind by giving them a simple 1-word descriptor. (e.g. warm, tense, anger, etc.) When examining one of your thoughts, the first consideration is whether or not the thought is valid. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help with this:
Start by noting thoughts and feelings with gentle curiosity as they arise. And when you find yourself face-to-face with a more intense thought or interpersonal conflict, use The Work to see more clearly. Consider what it would be like if you let go of this thought that brings you down. How would you feel? Seeing that the thoughts which cause you suffering are not the truth helps you let go of them, so you can focus instead on loving what is. See Your Thoughts for What They Are For the sake of example, let’s say you were feeling upset with your friend Jane, and had the thought “Jane should be nicer to me.” Oftentimes, these are “should” thoughts. (e.g. “The world should be different,” or “My significant other should act in a different way.”)
"I Think It (or Feel It), So It Must Be True"
The Turnarounds help reveal the contradictory nature of our stories about other people, and how our judgements are also true, or truer for ourselves. The irony of this situation is that everyone talks to themselves all day long. You just don’t verbalize this dialogue, so it isn’t heard by others. Start by locating a thought that is causing you suffering in some way. If you’re having troubles with another person in your life, Katie’s “Judge Your Neighbor” worksheet is a good way to locate these thoughts.
While it’s true that you experience each of your thoughts, they don’t always represent what’s true about the world. You can’t always control when these thoughts will surface. But you can develop strategies for responding to them in a way that doesn’t bring you down. This principle gives you the power to take control of how you respond to your thoughts as you go through life. It helps you let go of thoughts that bring you down, so you can cultivate greater peace and joy. You might feel insistent that this thought is true! If it really does feels true at first glance, inquire again. Can you really know that it’s true? Be honest with yourself. Now, if you find that your thoughts aren’t valid or aren’t helpful, you’ll want to replace them with better thoughts. Here are some questions you can use to help with that:Noting what arises in your mind has a host of benefits. It helps you stay present and see the contents of your consciousness more clearly. This creates space between you and the thoughts you experience, which gives you more power to act with intention. But thoughts are also important, and we do have some control over them. So it’s time to start exploring the topic of developing better thoughts.
Currently a professor of management in the College of Business at the University of South Florida, Sarasota-Manatee, Dr. Penney has pushed her undergraduate students to better understand what makes up the stress of their daily lives, both personally and professionally. With nearly 20 years of researching what is behind the causes and consequences of stress in our lives, she has been published in top academic journals, presented at scholarly conferences, and been featured by Forbes, Newsweek, and Fox News.
Lost in Thought
For example, a Democrat might have the thought, Republicans don’t care about poor people. Now, there is evidence to support this viewpoint: the gutting of social programs that benefit lower-income individuals, the sabotaging of the Affordable Care Act, big tax breaks for the rich, and so on. But there is counter-evidence as well. Many Republicans genuinely believe that free-market capitalism and private enterprise will improve the economic prospects of poor people more than government support will. Plus, a lot of poor people vote Republican, and it’s probably safe to assume they care about themselves. What do I mean by that? I mean developing a better relationship with your thoughts. I mean recognizing and altering your habitual patterns of thought. I mean developing better habits of thought. Given the differing nature of thoughts, it’s helpful to equip yourself with multiple strategies to process them. Note the thought with gentle curiosity, giving it a one-word descriptor. (Along the lines of, “Ah, I see: Fear.”) But when you hold on to your thoughts as if they are the utmost truth, unpleasant feelings are sure to follow.
But entertaining this thought doesn’t do me any good. Since I can’t do anything to make Comcast better, it just makes me feel like a passive victim. So this thought, although valid, serves only to make me less happy. I would be better off thinking about something else. Replacement Thoughts One minute you might be feeling down about a challenge at work, and the next minute you’re laughing at the joke of a friend.If you can learn to get more control over your thoughts, then you’ll tend to have better emotions and better responses to your emotions. You’ll also have an easier time doing the things you need to do. After all, some of your thoughts are excuses. The human mind is constantly processing the world around it. Each day is a non-stop barrage of thoughts, questions, and observations. Most of the time, your thoughts are just a story you tell yourself to make sense of the world. It’s all based on your interpretation of the world around you. Not some universal truth about reality. Examine what you do to yourself by choosing to hold on to and believe the thought. Does the thought create peace or stress? What emotions and physical sensations arise when you believe this thought?
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